But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
