i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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