Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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