You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
