Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
