I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
