what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
