I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
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He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
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Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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