Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
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I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
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Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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