I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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