i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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