All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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