i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
