ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
