We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
