Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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