did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
