That's when you crack a 10am beer
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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