Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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