my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We need to get me chipped asap
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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