My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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