I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
