I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
