I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
