I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
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I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
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Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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