You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
