i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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