quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
