Umm I'm too high to move.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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