I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
