Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm both gender and math confused
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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