Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
