I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
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you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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