its not stalking. its research.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
