I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
