Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
