I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
