WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
