I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize