So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
