Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
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Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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