either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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