It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
