Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
