He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is Oprah even human
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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