You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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