is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
