Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
