Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's rum buckets o'clock
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
