Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
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Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
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I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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