New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
