im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
