I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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