i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
