No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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