The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
