Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
