I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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