mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
