So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
