Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
