apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
