Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
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Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My Sexting was not on an AP level
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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