i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
