Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
