I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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