your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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