Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
