i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
