what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
