My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
