slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
