Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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