so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
