vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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